Nausea September 19, 2008

I’ve been feeling very brief pangs of nausea – not in the morning, really, though I know that “morning sickness” can happen any time of day.  Today lunch time could not come soon enough.  I was hungry at 10:30 for lunch (despite my 8 am big bowl of oatmeal) and by 11:15 I gave in and made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (I never eat this!).  I sat and watched Project Runway while I took a break from my cooking and ate my lunch.  My hunger was bordering on nausea at “lunch” time and then this afternoon I’ve been feeling a bit nauseous too.  However, it could be the nasty food I am making for my client (a puree of canned salmon, white rice and artichoke hearts… among other nasty items) that I keep smelling. 

My mom called me this morning to ask if I wanted a dresser/buffet that her neighbor is selling at a yardsale.  She thought it would make a good changing table – with a lot of work.  This thing is in BAD shape, but she does have an eye for furniture that can be refinished… And it was free, so it sounded like she really wanted to take it and make a project of refinishing it for us.  I gave in, though I am a bit annoyed that she can’t restrain herself and not buy (or aquire) things before I get to the second trimester at least.  I told her that she better have a plan for it in case anything happens and I lose the pregnancy that does not involve me seeing it.  And I told her she had to promise not to buy anything else.  She did not promise.  She just said “I’ll take all the risk”.  Sure you will.  I have a feeling I am going to have to go to therapy specifically to figure out how to deal with my mother during the pregnancy and afterwards.  She already makes me totally crazy, and I just see it getting worse from here on out.  There’s no point in expecting her to change, so how I am going to deal with her without losing my mind entirely?

Based on my highly scientific calculations I think I am 6 weeks today (i.e. the embryo was created 4 weeks ago today).  They don’t give me a lot of specifics at my RE’s office – no number of weeks and days, no specific beta numbers, etc.  I guess maybe it is good – gives me fewer things to obsess about.  My inclination would to be to compare my numbers to whatever I can find on the internet.  I may be saving myself some valuable time and mental energy by just not knowing.

HB September 16, 2008

We have a heart beat!!!  It was 111 bpm this morning – which the doctor says is normal for this very early stage of gestation (about 5 1/2 weeks or so).  She said it is still really early, but everything looks good. 

A lot of our early excitement has worn off already and has given way to worry.  But, this is another good sign.  I made myself a promise that I won’t buy anything, including yarn for knitting projects for this little bean, until 12 weeks, but I also thought that I might buy a pregnancy book after I saw the heartbeat – thinking that it would probably be next week.  So, maybe after I cook today I’ll stop by Borders with the coupon I just got in my email.

Spot September 9, 2008

At 9 am this morning we saw the “spot” on the ultrasound.  It’s in the right place, it is the right size, and that’s about all they can say right now.  The doctor reminded me that they can’t say anything about the viability of the pregnancy at this point.  That makes me worry a little more, but what can I do but wait?  I guess we take it week-by-week now.  They didn’t tell me anything about going forward except that I should stay on the medications I am on now and not change anything.  So, I will try to be patient and keep my mind off all the “what if’s” – good and bad.  My next appointment is next Tuesday to check on the spot’s progress.

It hasn’t even been a week yet since I found out it worked.  It feels like forever ago – probably a product of how much mental energy I have spent over the last several days thinking about it.

I’ve already looked at maternity clothes online, browsed the baby section at Target, looked at the pregnancy books at Borders and bought myself a copy of Fit Pregnancy magazine, figured out my due date (5/15/09) with an on-line calculator, and thought about baby names. 

Time to head to the gym.  Mike gave me a swimming lesson on Sunday, and now I am excited to do some swimming.  I am going to aim for a half hour today (even though just a few weeks ago I was running an hour at a stretch).  It was a hard workout on Sunday!

Shock and Awe September 4, 2008

This morning I started letting myself believe that maybe this round of IVF worked.  By breasts got less sore over the weekend, and then were sore again (was it in my head?).  That was the only “symptom” I had.  But I didn’t want to get my hopes up, because I really didn’t think it was going to work and I didn’t want to get too excited.  Cooking for my client was a great distraction today – the day actually went by pretty fast. 

The doctor’s office called me around 3:45 or so with the first good news I have gotten.  They said that they knew on Tuesday that I was pregnant and they wanted to tell me so bad when I was there this morning.  But they held it until they got the results today, and they said that for the number of days we are post-transfer the numbers look really good.  They all wanted to talk to me - even the embryologist.  They were all so excited too, which was really great.  They are like my friends now since I have spent SO much time up there in the past year. 

Anyway, ever the pragmatist, Mike told me not to get too excited.  But then called back to tell me, so that there isn’t any confusion, that he is really excited and thrilled too. 

I had totally lost hope with this round, so now it is hard to beleive it actually worked.  I could not be happier. 

Next Tuesday we’ll go back to the doctor and be able to see the sack but not a heartbeat – still too early for that.  We are nowhere close to being out of the woods, but at least it is one huge step in the right direction.