Three more days until we (presumably) know what happened this cycle. Three more S-L-O-W days. Last week I kept busy with a visit from my mom and my brother, fresly home from his stint in Iraq. I’ve never gotten along very well with my brother and though now it is more peaceful-seeming when we are together, it is extremely stressful for me since keeping the peace basically means that I just keep my lip zipped about all of what I see as his social inadequacies (not thanking people for gifts, not reciprocating with gifts, not asking ANY questions about my life in a 3-day visit and generally being socially inept). It is exhausting. And then my mom was added on top of that. My relationship with her has been better since Max was born, but it is a strain for me too to have her here, and the two of them together – hoo boy! I hope that the stress of that visit didn’t cause the little embryos to decide to give up.
We ended up with just two embryos to transfer this cycle, which was disappointing. We had 9 eggs, 5 were mature, and we did have 3 embryos, but one was too fragmented on the morning of transfer, so they decided to not use it. According to them everything went perfectly, but even so there is only so much chance that it will work. I’ve been fairly convinced that it can’t be as easy as one cycle to pregnancy this time after what it took last time. Partly I believe it and partly I am trying to make myself believe it in order to make the blow less when we get the news that it didn’t work. However, today I have been SUPER thirsty, which was my first pregnancy symptom with Max, and just today I have been allowing myself to think that maybe it did work. Or maybe since I know I was super thirsty last time I am convincing myself that I am super thirsty today… I am not allowing myself to consult any due-date-calculators or think too hard about that, and I am trying not to allow myself to buy any pregnancy tests. JUST WAIT UNTIL TUESDAY, DAMMIT! Thinking that maybe it did work makes me want to find out sooner so I can enjoy the good news sooner, but if it is negative then 1) I won’t trust it since it isn’t the “official” test and I’ll just agonize over it even more between now and Tuesday and 2) I don’t think I can handle seeing ANOTHER negative HPT in my life.
With our previous successful cycle they did two blood tests, one a week and a day after the transfer and the other a week and three days after the transfer. Today we are a week and a day after the transfer, so it is possible that we could know now or tomorrow or definitely Monday if I had my test scheduled for one of those days. Knowing that makes me even itchier to just know already. I don’t know if it is a difference with this other doctor or why they do the test differently now (seems like just one test one week and four days after the transfer), but even just those added couple days are additional torture.
Mike is going to be away next week for work Tuesday to Friday, so he’ll be gone no matter what when we find out the official word from our doctor. At least he has been home most of the last 6 weeks while I’ve been doing the cycle, and he was home when he needed to be for the procedures. I can’t ask for too much more than that when his job is what it is. But it will be really hard if it is bad news to hold it together and keep on until he gets home next Friday…
