Last night I went to an adoption information meeting. Mike had a work thing that has been scheduled for months, so he didn’t go with me, but I went to gather information and see what I could find out. They only have the meetings every couple of months, so I wanted to have the information that I need now so that if this round of IVF doesn’t work, we can move directly into adoption. The less waiting time, the better for my mental health. There was one woman there who was trying to adopt as a single woman, and other than that it was all couples. I was glad that she was there so I didn’t feel awkward being the only singleton (though not really singleton) there.
Apparently it takes about 6 months to do the home study portion of the process and then the wait time after that depends on what country you choose, or whether you decide to do domestic adoption. Right now I am open to any option, but I think Mike is most interested in adopting from Asia so that there would be some resemblance to him. To me, China, with a wait time of about 3 years, is not a good option. South Korea is, but the cost there is astronomical. I still want to have three children - I don’t think we can shell out $40,000 in adoption and travel fees per child to adopt three children from Korea. That amount of money is insane.
(Actually Mike just called and we discussed a little bit and he is not worried about the money aspect. Just that I am patient and know that it might take a little longer to get to three kids when that kind of money is involved. But, he thinks that three is still a good long term goal and moving forward with #1 can happen within the timeframe that I am thinking. Thank God for wonderful husbands.)
Thinking about adoption and knowing that there are other options has helped the time move a little faster in this round of IVF. I have little hope that it will really work, and am kind of just going through the motions. Last time, I didn’t eat cold foods, I did meditation and yoga, no caffeine (not even decaf coffee) no alcohol at all, and on and on. This time I just want the time to pass and for this to be over. I am having decaf coffee, cold cereal for breakfast every morning, have not done yoga or meditated at all, and am having wine too – hardly cutting back at all until the transfer. Of course I want more than anything for it to work, but all those deprivations and effort didn’t make a whit of difference last time, so why should I think they will this time? I might as well have two glasses of wine with dinner.
I felt the same way this round. Why stress myself out about doing everything perfect? Better to just relax. I don’t know if that’s going to work out… but I feel much better this time around (despite having been converted to IUI). And I totally get what you’re saying about want to “just get it over with.”
Good luck with the round, and with the adoption. It’s a new and exciting journey and I hope it works out for the best.