Still two weeks until I start the shots for the next round of IVF. Still not holding out a TON or hope that this one is going to work. Still feeling mildly obsessed with the option of adoption and reading a lot about it. I think I have already decided which agency we’ll go with when the time comes. It is seeming more like a ‘when’ and not an ‘if’ at this point with the last insurance-funded IVF around the corner. Even if this does work, I think it is likely that we would still adopt a child to build our family rather than spending tons of money on medical procedures that may or may not work. Maybe I’ll feel differently if this one works…but I am fairly convinced at this point.
It’s funny, becuase before I wrote to my friend (well, acquantaince) who adopted two little boys, and told her that we were exploring adoption as the possible next step, it was not really the next step in my mind. But, just putting that out there to the universe made it really solidify as what I wanted to do next if this doesn’t work. I just feel like I can’t keep waiting and waiting and waiting as all of my friends pop out more and more kids. I read different things about the length of time it takes to adopt a child too. I wish it was a quick process, but it clearly is not. I have read that domestic adoption can take up to 7 years to be placed with a child, and that since China is cracking down somewhat on adoptions it can take up to 3 years. I CAN NOT wait 3 or 7 years without a major depressive episode. This could be a tough road too. It has been 2 years since we started trying to have a baby, and already it seems like an eternity.
Watching and listening to the news makes me realize how caught up I am in my own little world. While I am sitting home wishing for children and feeling sorry for myself at a friend’s house over the weekend when all the women had little babies on their laps except me, there are people with nothing – who lost everything in the earthquake in China, the Sudanese genocide, famine in west Africa, a hurricaine, a typhoon – it goes on and on. A lot of the time I am sad about this major obstacle in my life, but sometimes I am able to step back a little to appreciate all the good things that I do have – a wonderful husband, finances to pursue IVF or adoption, a job that I actually enjoy, and good friends and a nice place to live. Sometimes it is hard to remember how lucky I am in the midst of all of this, but I am trying.
