One year ago I wrote this into my Google calendar for June 21, 2008:
On June 21, 2007 (a Thursday) I am sitting in my cube by Conference Room 2 at [Company Name Withheld] having very little motivation do do anything at all. Ms. Sally from [Company Name Withheld] ticked me off yesterday so much that I was ready to quit my job. Fortunately for me, I am in a better mood today, but it took until after lunch to get there. Tomorrow I am going to “work” from home – aka have breakfast with Laura and Luke at m. henry and then do stuff around the house while checking my voicemail and e-mail periodically.
Checking the Telluride Bluegrass Festival website today, I noticed that the 2008 festival starts almost one year from today. In theory we will be attending this festival, since it will be Mike’s year to choose our vacation. So, I am sitting here thinking one year ahead, wondering what is in store. It is so hard to wait and see and have no clue. Will I be pregnant? Will I already have a baby (mabe wishful thinking with my crazy f#&*ed up body…)? Will I be a personal chef? One year ago I didn’t know what a personal chef was, and now I am halfway through with my certificate program at Kendall.
I am pretty sure that I am not going to be able to handle much more of the [Company Name Withheld] life after I finish the program in December. I hope that I find the nerve and balls to strike out on my own and do what I love to do. I think I will – it will be nervewracking, but I have done crazier things, I guess, like moving to Boston with no job and no apartment. But, that was when I was 22 years old. For some reason this is a little scarier now that I am 30 and have found out how nice it is to have an income that actually pays all the bills and then some. I am confident in my cooking, but am a little nervous about the business side of this. Can I deal with difficullt customers? What if I make someone sick? What if I don’t make someone sick, but they say that I did?
So, I hereby make the wish that one year from today, Mike and I will be in Telluride, will either have a child, or be many steps closer than we are right now to having a child, and can enjoy a little vacation time in our favorite state. Why are there no fountains and pennies in my cube so I can *really* make the wish?
I really wanted to appreciate what a difference a year makes. And it certainly has. Some of my wishes have come true. I am working as a Personal Chef. Thank GOD I am not at that old job anymore. I was so miserable. We didn’t end up going to Telluride since we didn’t know what was going on with IVF – it seemed difficult to plan a vacation when we didn’t know if I would be pregnant after our first or second IVF attempt, or if we would be in the middle of another round of IVF, and if we were going to go we would have had to make all of those arrangments in January. And obviously no baby yet. Here’s hoping that is different one more year from now. I learned already what a difference a year can make with hard work. And with luck it could make a huge difference too.
Generally I am feeling pretty good right now – focusing on my business, not getting too angry when I see pregnant women around the city, and enjoying this little break from the IVF roller coaster. Shots start again, though, in about five weeks. I’ve been running and biking and exercising, and no weight is coming off – which has been frustrating. Maybe I am not changing my eating habits enough. I am considering doing an abbreviated Quantum Wellness fast for the next week or so while Mike is off at his training thing for 10 days. I think this would be a good time for it – less temptation to go out and eat gluten, animal products, and consume alcohol when he isn’t here. Since I am “teaching” a whipped cream and frosting class for some of my girlfriends tomorrow, I think I’ll start it on Tuesday. That will give me a good week to do it before my parents arrive for a visit (and we go to the Taste of Chicago) and also when Mike returns from his training. I am hoping that will give me a bit of a jump-start to eating better. I have still been eating a lot of crap – sugar and junk. Tomorrow I’ll head to Whole Foods to stock up on fruits, vegetables and other things with no gluten in them.
