Embracing my inner cool-kid June 12, 2008

I have always (or at least since late elementary school) had a bit of an inferiority complex when it came to the “cool kids” at school.  I was not part of that group in 4th grade, nor 8th, nor 12th, nor really at any point in my life, but I always really wanted to be.  I was a little too shy and a little too insecure, and a lot not cool enough to fit in.  

When I went away to boarding school I had these crazy ideas that I was just going to change schools and suddenly would be able to fit in with the cool kids – maybe I could trick them into thinking that I was cool like them.  Little did I know that Lansing was a world away from Bloomfield Hills, and so was my knowledge of style – a very important thing when you’re trying to fit in with these kids (the difference in my family’s income vs. the income of these kids’ families also certainly played a part).  But, I ended up with a great group of friends in high school, who were definitely not the cool kids.  They were cool in their own way – quirky, smart, funny.  But, we did not rule the school.  In college I started shunning the sorority girls and fraternity boys and people who went to all the sporting events.  I think I wanted to reject them before they rejected me. 

So, when I ran into one of the cool kids from high school a few months ago and we decided to get together for lunch, it was a bit of a surprise to me to find out that we had a connection.  We just had lunch again today.  She was telling me about running into another high school classmate who she had always thought was really snobby, who turned out to be a really nice person.  We’ve both been surprised by the fact that people change after high school.  She said that she thinks that as adults, most people are a better version of themselves.  I couldn’t agree more.  I still feel a little insecure, but I think I am a better version of myself than 10 (or even 5) years ago, and I am developing a genuine friendship with her.  It is pretty crazy.

And it occured to me not too long ago that in my current life, I am surrounded by cool kids – my husband definitely was one of the cool kids in his school – from elementary school straight through college.  A lot of my friends here in the city also were the cool kids in their school, from what I can tell. 

Recently, I helped a friend with a bridal shower event – it was a bunch of her friends who live here and a few from out of town.  They were defintely all the sorority-girl type.  Many with huge diamond rings and designer clothes and I think I was the only one there without a manicure.  But, you know what?  They were really nice.  And I think I had them fooled to think that I was one of them.  I fit in with this group of girls.  I am looking forward to seeing them again.

So, in my adult life, I am finally fitting in with the cool kids – at least some of them. 

 

In IVF-land, we are gearing up for an August cycle.  I still feel like this is a little too fast for me.  I would like to just enjoy the summer.  But, given the option of August or November, August still sounds a little better. I am finding that when I am not in the middle of a cycle, I am not obsessing about it constantly like I was pretty much from mid-December 2007 until early May 2008.  It has been nice to have a little bit of a mental and physical break these past few weeks.  If cycle #3 works, I will definitely not think that it was too fast.  If it fails too, well…let’s not go there yet… 

Today was day 1 of BCP, so we have officially started the medication for the next cycle.  I’ll start the Lupron on July 28 (six and a half weeks goes by fast in the summer time) and ER/ET will be around August 22 and 27 or so.  We have some pre-tests that we need to do over the next several weeks, and then we’ll be on our way…I am not filled with hope for this cycle like I have been the previous two.  I think I’ll take it a little easier on the self-imposed food-and-drink restrictions and try to just live my life as much as possible this time around instead of questioning everything.  I might even have a glass of wine (or maybe just half a glass) periodically up until ET.  We’ll see.