I was in a special program in college that was like the hippie-division of a big state school. We all lived (and had a lot of our classes) in the same dorm, we took intensive language classes, we had small classes (sometimes 7-10 people – unheard of at a 30,000 student school) AND we didn’t get grades, we got evaluations. In one of my literature classes my sophmore year, one of my professors said in my evaluation that I was “reticent”. I wish I could have just gotten a B – that reticent comment has really scarred me. To this day I think of myself in a very negative way as reticent. That’s where my book club fear came from and my fear of big social situations or - god-forbid - networking events.
So, I’ve been participating in this group for women entrepreneuers, which has been a really great thing for me in terms of visualizing my business and figuring out where to go from here. I felt kind of bad last week because I didn’t participate that much in the discussion and I felt like my “homework” assignment, which we read out lout to each other, was not as good as the other womens’. I was pretty down about it for a day or two, beating myself up for not doing a better job of the homework.
Today the homework was to think of a few words that described each of the ladies – so you really got a feel for the vibe that you are giving off and how these other women, who you have known for really just two weeks, perceive you. Almost all of them said some version of ‘quiet’ for me. But none said reticent. There was quiet passion, quiet thinker - all good versions of quiet. It was the first time that I really thought of this trait of mine as, maybe not a good thing, but at least not a bad thing. Not as something that I need to change. I am never going to be that bubbly, outgoing, perky, high-energy personality. But, maybe it’s okay that I don’t participate in every discussion. Maybe I don’t need to change in these social/business/networking situations to BE more bubbly and high-energy. Maybe it is okay to be the quiet thinker, the one who isn’t always talking.
I think this is the first time I have ever felt that way.
