Don’t call list May 6, 2008

No more intestinal issues today.  My breasts are no longer sore.  I am feeling rather pessimistic. 

I was able to successfully distract myself most of the day today with friends, thankfully.  This morning was the first Beta test.  I asked them not to call me with the results - that I would wait until Thursday to find out what is going on since I know that they wouldn’t be surprised if the results from today were inconclusive.  Last time it was the Tuesday results that put me into a tailspin. 

The one nurse that I don’t think is that great tried to draw my blood this morning - after painfully mangling my vein she had to give up and I got a different nurse.  I kind of felt bad because I think she felt bad for hurting me, but when she offered to have someone else do it I had to take her up on it.  This is the third time she has drawn my blood and only one of those times was successful. 

Mike leaves tomorrow for Seattle.  Bad timing.  I am quite concerned how I am going to be doing Thursday evening if the news isn’t good.  And I have to pull it together enough to cook on Friday and Saturday.

I don’t want to wait 3+ more months to try again - I want it to work this time.  And if this doesn’t work, how many more times do we try this before moving on to adoption?  There’s no use thinking about it until Thursday - but I am thinking about it anyway… I am trying to trust my body, but it isn’t earning the trust back very quickly.