Mike and I are trying hard not to let infertility rule our lives. We intend to still have fun and see our friends and enjoy life even though this really sucks. And that has been helpful in passing the time since August when it was decided that we were not going to be able to get pregnant on our own.
Last week and this week are like a heightened version of waiting though. The embryos are in, but are they still alive now? Are they dividing? Have they implanted? There’s no way to know until Thursday. With 50/50 odds, I am really not allowing myself to beleive that it is going to work. I start thinking that it might, and immediately I tell myself not to get my hopes up.
So, last week I kept pretty busy and this week I have some stuff planned too. When I am grocery shopping and cooking my mind is occupied. Sometimes it is with other activities too. When I realize that I haven’t been obsessing about how many days there are between now and Thursday for an hour or two due to some distraction, I am very happy to have killed that time.
It’s the same concept as the last five months – I don’t want this to rule my life – but a totally different scale. Make-it-or-break-it this time.
Today I had an event for my new business (which also really helped in the keeping-my-mind-off-it department). A high-school acquantance hired me to cook brunch for 15-20 people at their home (including 5 others from our class who I hadn’t seen since graduation 13 years ago. Christ, I am old). It was a huge success – everyone raved about the food and I was super pleased by how everything turned out. And I got paid – it’s nice to have a little bit of income! I am still waiting for my website, but hopefully that will be up soon so that I can get some more clients and get cooking!
