I’ve been trying to keep busy this week, but my mind is never far from “will this work???” Our first blood test is next Tuesday (four days in the way between now and then), but they expect that test to probably not be conclusive. So the real test will be Thursday. I am not even thinking that I will know anything until Thursday, so that is the day I have set my sights on – T-minus 6 days.
Tuesday I got a bunch of stuff done around the house and for my business. Wednesday I spent the whole day cooking 5 meals with sides for my in-laws (a trial run of my Personal Chef business that was helpful for both of us). I think that was the most successful day of keeping my mind off things. Yesterday I had breakfast with a friend, came home and got some stuff done, had lunch with Mike who got home early from a buisness trip and then went to my same friend’s house to watch LOST last night. LOST, how I love thee.
Today I have a haircut scheduled and a manicure this afternoon with still the same friend (she has been a godsend in helping me distract myself) and dinner tonight with some of Mike’s work people. Seafood. Yum.
I haven’t been sleeping well – I wake up every couple of hours, totally aware of what day it is and how many more days there are until next Thursday. I even had a dream about my fertility doctor last night. In it she was also a dentist, but leaving her dental practice to focus on reproductive medicine. Her partner offered me a job as a secretary and I was offended. Bizarre.
I vascillate wildly between being optimistic – I know that there are people out there that this does work for on the first time – and being pessimistic – I don’t want to get my hopes up at this point, and why would we be so lucky? I try not to think about “what if this does work” because it very well may not.
Mike is going to be away for “work” – i.e. a skiing trip with some buddies from work – next week Wednesday to Friday. He did offer last night to cancel the trip so that he is home when we find out one way or the other. But I told him to go ahead. It will suck if it is bad news and he isn’t here, but I’ll manage.
My dad may or may not be staying with me that night because he will be in town for the Chicago Auto Show. I am definitely not close with my dad in the way that I could talk to him about this. In fact, I flat out lied the other night when my stepmom asked me if we had started or thought about starting IVF yet (and they were both on the phone). Wow. That could be an interesting night if we get bad news.
So, I’ll take a deep breath, tell myself again that I won’t know today and I won’t know tomorrow and the best I can do is keep myself busy and then I’ll go get in the shower and off to do some work…
