I have never been a particularly patient person. When I want something, I want it soon, if not now. This was not a good thing when M. and I were dating for 5 years before getting married. It wasn’t a good thing when I thought I deserved a promotion at the job before this one. It is never a good thing when I am hungry. It made me unhappy a lot of the time that I could have just been enjoying my life where it was at that point.
Unexpectedly, I think that my infertility diagnosis and resulting treatment has given me a little perspective on patience and I am actually going back to the lessons that I learned in the past. I have been at least moderately successful at taking this adventure one day at a time. I know that I won’t have a baby today, I won’t have one tomorrow. But, I am starting to really internalize and beleive that someday I will. I feel very positive about this first IVF cycle. Maybe this is naivete on the part of a first-time-IVF-er. But, between yoga therapy, acupunture and a great clinic, I feel like this might just work. I won’t start injections until later this month, and transfer will be at the end of January. Until then I am going to enjoy my glasses of wine with dinner and not giving myself shots on a daily basis. When that comes I know it will be temporary – both the pain of the injection that will (hopefully) last only a few moments as well as the period of time that I will have to give myself injections. This too will pass, and hopefully there will be a good result for the minor suffering.
I also have been fairly good at exercising my patience at school and at work. I am so excited to be so close to being done with school. Tonight is my last class. I never have to wear those God-forsaken checked pants again. And I can leave my earrings in and my engagement ring on all the time instead of going without three days a week. I know this is really not a big thing, and in general I am not much of a girly-girl, but dammit, I like wearing my diamonds! As of next Saturday I will be a graduate and can call myself “Chef”. As of next Friday I will be done with this job forever! Now, though, the time seems to be going by so slowly. It is only Thursday, I “worked from home” yesterday and I still feel like I have been here so much this week. Tomorrow is the holiday party, though, and I declined it. But, that means I can go get my hair cut and maybe do some yoga tomorrow afternoon before heading out to celebrate with my culinary school friends.
Monday and Tuesday this week were my last days of Baking & Pastry. I recalled how I wrote at the beginning of the term how I might consider going back for the second certificate in Baking and Pastry. Although I did very well (I think I’ll get at least a 95% in the class) and I did enjoy most of it, even one more term of school seems like too much. Maybe someday, but not now. Now I am burnt out and in need of a rest. I also didn’t feel like I had the magic fairy dust with baking the way I often do with cooking. My creations often were not perfect, and that kind of drives me up a wall.
On Monday night three or four of the students in my 20-person class decided that they needed to sing while they worked, and their song of choice was Don’t You Want Me Baby, don’t you want me ooo-oo-oo-ohh. For the love of all things holy, shut up!!! Oh my God, it was driving me crazy – off key, annyoning song, all while I was trying to concentrate on getting my production done so I didn’t have to rush the next night. I really like being in the kitchen, but I realized that I really like being in the kitchen alone. Sometimes I am a little antisocial… But, fortunately for me, I have washed my last hand-sink, swept my last KC kitchen floor, and gotten up to my upper arm in scalding dish water for the last time. Tonight we are meeting briefly in the classroom for a half hour and then all going to the bar. Much better than spending 5 hours in this class. Then I will be DONE. I won’t have to enter the school building again.
I smiled to myself this morning too – walking around the office here I realized that I only have to come into this building 6 more times and then I will be gone from here too. It is going to be a shock, but in a good way and I am trying so hard to be patient until a week from tomorrow.
