What a difference 24 hours makes. Twenty-four hours ago I was still riding my high from my first cooking gig. Then yesterday afternoon I had another ultrasound at Northwestern and an appointment with by Ob/Gyn to discuss whether I really have to have surgery or whether my hydrosalpinx have mysteriously cleared up on their own. I have been waiting (im) patiently for two weeks since our appointment with the fertility doctor who didn’t see the hydrosalpinx. And I had pretty well convinced myself that I will not have to have surgery.
So yesterday I drank the water I was supposed to drink and headed over. Then I sat and sat and sat in the waiting room, for an hour… The doctor was running late. When I finally did get in she did my annual exam, some other tests that I have to have before starting IVF and then consulted the ultrasound report. She said they weren’t talking about the hydrosalpinx in the report, so she went to look at the images herself. She said that there seemed to be a minor amount of fluid on the left, and no more hydrosalpinx on the right. So, it could be worse. But, she wants the ultrasound expert to look at the images before she tells me that I don’t have to have surgery.
While I am very happy that she is being thorough, and taking the safe route, I also had fully expected to at least have a decision yesterday. I thought I would know whether I would be having surgery on December 11 or whether I would be able to attend my graduation on December 15 – one or the other. (Though my mom seems to think that she can “get me there” so I can attend graduation even if I do have to have surgery. Yeah, I don’t think so.) So, then I was frustrated and feeling very down. I thought I was going to get a “Yay! No surgery for you!” and I got “Let’s wait another few days and torture you some more with not knowing.”
I know four days is not that big of a deal in the whole scheme of things. But I am a planner and I want to make some plans. So we shall see. Hopefully I will get a call while I am at the conference on Thursday and be able to take it.
After my appointment last night we had our midterm in Baking and Pastry in the kitchen. They gave us two recipes that we have not seen before (with minimal instructions like “use the muffin mixing method”. I did not want to be there. I am so burnt out and not enjoying school – partly as a result of my sometimes-bad attitude about my health and fertility status. I am having a really hard time getting my mind off of that long enough to make some bread. Anyway, I got a 95% on my midterm – annd made some delicious corn bread. My other (yeast) bread would have been lovely if I had baked it long enough, but I was anxious to get out of there.
When I got home Mike and I disagreed (I wouldn’t say ‘argued’ since it didn’t really get heated…) about what we are going to do for Thanksgiving this year since my dad and stepmom have changed their plans recently due to her sister being ill. I had been looking forward to going to their place for Thanksgiving since I haven’t been there since highschool. Also we’ve spent the last five years with Mike’s parents and my mom, and I was kind of looking forward to doing something different. Oh well. I guess that is another thing that we are not making plans for right away, even though it is the week after next.
So, all in two days – a very high high and a very low low. This roller coaster is killing me.
